I LOVE YOU BUT MY PARENTS SAY NO

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I remember very well some few years ago in one of my sociology class. The unit was ethnology and the lecturer was explaining the dynamics of marriages in different cultures and communities. But one thing caught my attention. She said “marriage involves two families, when you marry someone then you have married their family as well.” This point sank in my head and I decided to keep it in my unconscious part of my mind. It is a simple statement but it opened my understanding. Let me give you a ride on my head so you may interact with my brain and get a piece of my mind.

If a man loves a woman and they want to settle down, and the parents of either couple object the union then that’s a time someone is thrown into a dilemma. However inasmuch as we involve parents to bless our marriage controlling or interference isn’t part of it. Gone are the days when parents choose life partners for their children; infact a parent has no right to make decision for their grown up children. Once someone is mature to marry that means they’re also mature to take decisions of their own and a parent is only called upon to guide, consent and facilitate the transition not to interfere and dictate.

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A parent is to be honored and respected. Therefore when they say no to a marriage union they might have some reasons of which you’ll need to find out from other respectable people around; and in the testimony of two or three people let the matter be established.

However, parents are also human, they sometimes error and give invalid reasons for their disapproval; for instance, ‘don’t marry from that tribe they’re lazy.’ This is irrational in a way that tribe is taken as a yardstick to measure someone’s character of which isn’t fair. When such happens then better consult other elders in the family circles because consent is important when it walks on the right path.

At this juncture let me give some few things that can guide on how to decide on a sensitive matter like this.

First let me say this that limits are not meant for borders only; but thoughts, words and actions; whenever you get offended and frustrated have limits. Never allow your emotions to dictate your decisions and the course of your life. Therefore, on such issues use the head and not the heart, because norms and morals have an upper hand in real life not emotions. Thus why in court the judge decides on the basis of the law not feelings. Therefore, be a judge of your life.

Second in life, someone you met on the way can become ordinary and sweetheart but parents are always part of us; thus It’s easy to run away from strangers but not from those that we call our own. Because we bear their surname and we walk with their values. We can sever other ties but not blood ties.

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I once read a sad true story that happened in Nigeria. Two lovebirds got married but the man’s parents and siblings were all against the union. Their reason was that the lady their son wants to marry was beautiful and chances of cheating was very high. But the couples defied and overlooked all the red flags. After few years the newly married woman got poisoned by her in-laws. So be wise

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